Ten Days Later

It’s been over a week since I’ve had an opportunity to write in these pages. Two weekends have gone by, and a week of hectic activity. I’ve finally become a “regular” for tennis with D. F. and E. M. on Mondays and Fridays. I’ve been a substitute for years and now I’m finally playing all the time. This changes a couple of things around for me. It means that I will have to miss Gail Teehan’s Feldenkrais lessons at D. B.’s house. It also ties up two mornings a week, but it’s what I want to do.

Last week I went to Anna Halprin‘s class on Monday, which was led by Julie. We performed a “hands” ritual, and my drawing was of hands in various positions. They were all variations of “loving hands”, even though none of the drawings had that name. They were called, “praying hands”, “begging hands”, “healing hands”, and “just hands”. The “begging hands” came from an insight I had while doing the ritual: we are all beggars, asking for just one more day on the earth, but there is no one to beg, and no one to answer. Therefore praying and begging amount to the same thing. We need to take responsibility for our own lives and allow other people to live around us.

I had a great Feldenkrais lesson with Gail on Tuesday, and a wonderful session with Leslie Davenport on Thursday.

Wednesday was quite exciting! I received calls from two publishers and met with a third. The first one wanted a copy of the complete manuscript for Healthy Cells Grow All By Themselves! I have been very busy converting the web pages to a document in the format required by this publisher. This has taken all of the time I usually spend writing the web pages.

The second publisher wanted to see a business plan for the book, which contains a synopsis and Table of Contents.

The third was Burton Goldberg, publisher of Alternative Medicine Digest and co-author of  An Alternative Medicine Definitive Guide to Cancer. I told him my story and listened to his. Apparently, there is a lot more to the cancer cure than I or anyone one that I know is currently aware of and Goldberg’s book has many new answers. I don’t quite know where this relationship is going, but it could be very interesting. He especially likes my ideas of teaching people about cancer alternatives, through Mindfulness and ART in Healing. He thought that my idea to form a non-profit corporation to raise money to offer the workshop for free to financially handicapped patients was quite viable.


Stop Cancer In Its Tracks: Healthy Cells Grow All By Themselves
Buy This Book
to learn about
Mindfulness in Healing

Nobody Wants to Go to Pleasanton!

Gail Teehan and I had lunch with Leslie Davenport today to discuss her thoughts about our workshop last Wednesday. Her reaction was excitingly positive! She thought that the guided mindfulness meditation was wonderful, and she even wanted to use some of what I said in her guided imagery practice! As far as the Feldenkrais lesson was concerned, her only criticism was that Gail taught the lesson from a script, and it would have gone over better if she had memorized the movements. Gail accepted this comment with grace and charm, and the willingness to do so.

Since my wife was returning this evening, I wanted to make it somewhat special! I cleaned the house with the help of my daughter and bought her some roses. I even offered to make dinner for her, but she had had enough food over the past three days! It was nice to have her home again, and after apologizing profusely for all the mistakes I made, she seemed to settle into being home again.


Insight Does It Again!

In my session with Leslie Davenport this morning, I was feeling a little down because of a series of bad dreams I had the night before. In two of the dreams, I was trying to escape. In the first one, I had to step through a lot of broken glass on the floor. I saw the broken glass and my shattered dreams from the past. During the session, I was able to reframe the broken dreams and create new ones. But, the second dream was more difficult to reframe. In this dream, I saw an opening in the prison fence and a car stuck in the railroad tracks. I managed to get in the car and drive it up the hill that was in front of the car, when I realized that the road had no exit out of the prison, so I was stuck. These two dreams brought out the seed so of doubt in me, and I was feeling a little desperate. In my session with Leslie, I was able to not only reframe the first dream, but I was able to see the joy that I was bringing to people, rather than the suffering, and I felt completely better. I took a walk along Corte Madera Creek, and felt the joy of insight.


Mindfulness and ART in Healing

Today was one of the best days of my life! Gail Teehan and I led a two hour workshop in Leslie Davenport‘s wellness group at Marin General Hospital. The group was so pleasant and open to experiencing what we were there to give that the two hours just flew by as if they were only minutes. I took much pleasure in telling my story and leading the mindfulness meditation, and I was very impressed with Gail’s handling of the check in and Feldenkrais lesson. The feedback was phenomenal! We are ready to take this concept around to healing centers everywhere!

This is our idea: We will set up a non-profit organization so that people who want to take our workshop can do so without financial burden. We will apply for grants and accept donations from wealthy people who have been helped by our cause. We will use this money to offer scholarships to those people who can’t afford to pay for our services, and we will still draw our salaries from the corporation. The concept is still under development, and we are open to suggestions and contributions. Naturally, sales of Healthy Cells Grow All By Themselves will help promote our workshop, and our workshop will help promote sales of the book. Eventually, we will publish a book together based on the workshop. All it takes is time and money!

After the workshop we had lunch at an authentic Mexican restaurant and Gail gave me another one of her magnificent healing massages. Her work on my abdomen and bladder continue to inspire my complete recovery. I am very grateful for our relationship!


Stop Cancer In Its Tracks: Healthy Cells Grow All By Themselves
Buy This Book
to learn about
Mindfulness in Healing

Getting Back to Normal

On Tuesday, I had an excellent acupuncture session with Dr. Rossman. He said that he felt my qi starting to flow like never before. I was encouraged by his remarks.

I spent the day on Wednesday at work. I’m starting to get a lot of pressure to complete certain tasks, so I’ve been working a lot lately.

Thankfully, I had a session with Leslie Davenport today, squeezed in between my work schedule. She is truly wonderful! She always helps me return to center!


Moon Set Over Corte Madera Creek

I was invited to play tennis with some of my favorite players this morning, but by ten o’clock, one person did not show up and the other person left without checking out the situation. I was rallying with the fourth person and someone he had found to hit with until the whole group was there. But just rallying like that is still to strenuous for me, and so I decided to attend the Feldenkrais class in Tiburon. This turned out to be a good choice because my back and knees were starting to hurt and the Feldenkrais lesson help remove the tension.

In afternoon, I went to a session with Leslie Davenport. I had been feeling jittery all day for unknown reasons, and Leslie help me relieve the tension. In the guided imagery, I felt myself return to mindfulness and I experienced a great sense of peace as I left her office.

Since it was too late to go home for dinner and get back to Marin General for Anna Halprin’s class I invited B. F. to meet me at Pacific Cafe for dinner. After dinner, we went to the class taught by Liz Damtsey and Julie Emden. The focus of the class was different from all of the other classes, but it was definitely a refreshing change. We spent about thirty minutes talking about the pros and cons of body work in the context of our class situation, and finally, after a demonstration by out two leaders, we all agreed to give it a try. It turned out to be magnificent! I partnered with B. F., and we really connected quite well.

The massage began on the occipital part of the neck where the neck meets the head. We moved from there to massaging the scalp. Next, we placed our palms over the eyes of our partner and began massaging the face, cheeks and jaws. Next we placed our hand on the top of the chest, and just left them there for a few moments. From there, we moved to one shoulder, which we simply raised and lowered at the scapula. Then we worked on the arm by stretching it, and moving the joints of the wrists, elbows, and shoulders. After doing the other shoulder and arm, we began working on one of the legs. First we pulled the leg gently, and rotated it in the hip socket. Then we moved the foot to a standing position near the other knee. We lifted the leg at the knee and gently moved it towards the chest. After testing just how far we could go, we pressed on. Next we rotated the leg at the knee to loosen up the hip joint. We finished with the first leg by massaging the feet and then stroking the entire leg. After doing the same procedure on the second leg, we ended the session by placing our palms on the soles of the feet.

I felt that it was equally good to give as to receive. I enjoyed working with B. F., because she was really loose and trusting. This inspired me to be loose and trusting also.

We then did a quick drawing of whatever images came to us during the massage. I drew a picture of one person giving a massage to another in such a way that the giver and receiver couldn’t be distinguished. They had merged and become one in the process. At this point, it is a bare sketch, and would not photograph to well for this page.


An Incredible Transformation

Even though I felt better after the group last night, I woke up feeling terrible again. The feelings were mostly about diet and that I still had a long way to got with my illness. I was turned into myself when I showed up for a massage with Gail Teehan. For me, this woman is the most remarkable healer. After about thirty minutes, I felt my heart starting to open again, and the pain and suffering over diet and disease seemed to lessen to such an extent that I was finally present again. I could, once again, bring my awareness to my breathing and re-establish mindfulness. It was one of the most remarkable transformations I’ve made in my whole healing process! I left her office feeling really great.

This was topped off by a extremely exciting session with Leslie Davenport. I spoke about the diet and disease feelings a little, but they had lost their sting. I began to focus on getting guidance on how to develop the workshop on “Zen and the ART of healing” with Gail Teehan. I began to see old images from the seventies coming back this time with a specific goal in mind, and in the end, Leslie invited Gail and I to practice teach in her Wednesday class on July 26!


Another Busy Day

I began my day by trying to solve a problem at work, and I’ve been at it almost all day, except for my consultation with Michael Broffman and my acupuncture session with Marty Rossman.

The meeting with Michael Broffman produced some unexpected results.  In the first place, what my wife has been saying about my diet is true. Michael told me to eat a low fat, high fiber diet, which eliminates many of my favorite foods, such as prawns and muscles. He is going to provide me with details about what I should avoid and what I should eat. Secondly, I had the startling realization that I’m not through with my disease. I still have a long way to go and the test procedures are not fun! I felt depressed from these two realizations, and I have been having difficulty dealing with them.

Since my wife took my appointment with Leslie Davenport, I took the opportunity to take a walk in the Cascade region of Mill Valley. The path leads to a waterfall, which is very nice, even now that it is not gushing with water. I spent about forty-five minutes there, practicing mindfulness and listening to the sound of the waterfall.

During my acupuncture treatment, I felt a burst of energy, and this gave me enough energy to continue working on the bug I’m trying to fix. Now I’m exhausted, but I continue to push on.

In the evening, my wife and I went to the Center for Attitudinal Healing for our respective groups. I spoke about my diet changes and feelings about not being finished with my disease. I also spoke about my wife’s difficulties. The group was really supportive in a unusual way this evening.


Anna’s Back!

I phoned the radiation oncology department to find out the results of my X-Ray from last Thursday. The person who answered the phone said that the results were wonderful! I had her repeat the statement three times just to be sure I got it!

I went to Gail Teehan’s Feldenkrais class in Tiburon this morning and then followed her to her office for a Functional Integration (FI) lesson. The class consisted of standing and kneeling lessons that served to loosen up my neck and shoulders. It was more strenuous than any of the previous lessons because we were standing most of the time. The FI session was wonderful! Her healing hands and gentle manipulations of my body made me fully relaxed.

In the evening, I went to Anna‘s class. She shared her experience at the American Dance Festival, and I was exceedingly happy for her triumph! She sparkled with light as she talked about the performances that she led, and she said that the response was phenomenal!

In the class, we did movements that were so similar to the Feldenkrais lesson that it made me realize the beauty of both techniques. Anna incorporated some movements that were familiar to me from doing the “Strengthening Your Immune System Through Mind and Movement” exercises described elsewhere. As tired as I was from a full day of activities, I found the movements we did very invigorating and energy producing. Towards the end of the movement segment, Anna had us develop the theme of gathering, lifting, and sending away. Many of the participants drew pictures of their experience of gathering, lifting, and sending away. My drawing was of the goblet that I had visualized in a guided imagery session with Leslie Davenport. It represents my heart overflowing with love and vital energy. The inverted triangle represents a tap into the universal source of infinite love and vitality.


No Pot stickers for my Chop Sticks

Today I’m back to healing. I went to see Gail Teehan this morning and spent about an hour teaching her how to do a mind story. Then I thought I was scheduled in for a Feldenkrais Functional Integration lesson, but it turned out to be an hour and a half massage, and was it wonderful. It took me a little by surprise to have the massage, but she did such a good job, I didn’t mind! I remember crying several times, as she was working on my shoulders, and she said that she felt that all of the poisons are out of my system at last. We then had lunch together in the shopping center at a Chinese restaurant.

Next, I went to see Leslie Davenport. While I was waiting to see her, I managed to get a little work done. The session with her was so fine! I seem to come out of there with profound insights and a lot of wisdom. She really validated my use of mindfulness in my healing process. I am really fortunate to have three such remarkable healers in my life who I love very much. Of course I’m referring to Gail, Leslie, and Anna Halprin, who is getting a life-time achievement award for choreography at Duke University as I write. I’m grateful for my physicians, Drs. Neuwirth, Gullion, and Halberg, and I feel that they were wonderful technicians who implemented a protocol that I found in my own research. But I really feel that a lot of my physical healing and all of my mental and emotional healing  has come through the hands of Gail, Leslie, and Anna.