February 17, 1997 – More Moving Towards Health
This morning, I had a Feldenkrais lesson with Gail Teehan, a friend of my through D. B. It was preliminary lesson breathing and was followed by a short Functional Integration session. Both of these experiences were comforting and relaxing.
After taking R. to her friend’s house, I decided to try playing tennis and managed to play two sets without too much strain. It was wonderful to be out on the court again. One hardly realizes the value of activities one loves until it becomes inaccessible!
That night, I returned to Anna Halprin’s group at Marin General Hospital. It was another healing experience. The theme of the evening was water, and I immediately got an image of a waterfall I had seen in a photograph or movie. The water was flowing over the edge of a cliff in such a way that there was a substantial overhang, and one could walk through the waterfall and be protected from the water underneath the overhang. I drew a picture of this scene and wrote the following:
Here we have stupid Ninad –
He thinks that because he is empty of self that he is also empty of suffering and that suffering is empty of self!
Wait until next week!!
He’d rather be surfing (the web) rather than suffering.
He should learn to step on the rocks, stupid!
A little explanation is called for here. In the drawing; (which I shall try to scan someday), there is a picture of three stones that one would step on to walk into the waterfall. While I was drawing the rocks, I was reminded of the joke about Jesus, Buddha and Moses. They were walking across the Jordan River one day and Moses kept sinking deeper and deeper into the water, but Buddha and Jesus had no problem staying on the surface. When Jesus saw Moses sinking, he yelled back to him, “Step on the rocks, stupid!” The reference to my personal life was simple: I should “step on the rocks” of those who have gone before me with the treatment of bladder cancer. However, this is not my nature. I want to know what’s happening and have some control of my life.
The name, Ninad, was given to me by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh in 1975 – before he was famous. He explained to me that “Ninad” means the sound of the waterfall!