“Waiting is … Grocking in Fullness”

March 28, 1997 – “Waiting is … Grocking in Fullness”

Today we begin the long wait for the results of the induction chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Frankly, I am quite pleased with the results so far, and I am thankful for possibly adequate time to build up my immune system so as to eliminate all cancer cells, dysplasia, and atypia. Using Broffman’s protocol and other supplemental and conjunctive approaches, I plan to be free of cancer five weeks from now when I have my TURBT.

In case you have forgotten the above quote is from Robert Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land, which is wonderful entertaining reading while you’re recovering from any illness.

This morning I had another wonderful guided imagery session with Leslie Davenport. The focus of the session was on what guidance I need to make it through this period of waiting. Most of what came up was being in the present with my breathing (“breathing in, I’m healing myself, breathing out, I’m clear of cancer”). The other part of it seemed to come from my past experience with my son. My friend B. C. and I performed certain magical rituals that I think had an effect on his health. I’m now on the lookout for such magical thinking. At the group session which followed my guided imagery, this concept came out in a drawing I made of a healing spot in the Ozark Mountains in Arkansas. Perhaps tuning into that healing spot well enough will do the trick, but I certainly want to do some more exploring.

I came home to nap and then had a visit with A Ce Diamond. I plan to do a web page for his non-invasive form of Body Sculpture. Stay tuned!

>>> Next…

Stranger in a Strange Land

Oncological Consult

February 3, 1997 – Oncological Consult

Finally, one of my girls was recovered from the horrible virus that has struck our community, but we still had the other one at home. Having the girls around makes strategic conversations a little difficult. However, we were scheduled into Dr. Gullion this morning and I got T. W. from my conscious evolution group to stay with J. J. and L. once again consented to be present at the consultation with us.


We sat down with Dr. Gullion and he was wearing a pin shaped like a heart over his pocket. He was tall and had a very welcoming smile. However, due to the seriousness of my illness, he was a bit serious himself. He sent the others out of the room for a few minutes while he examined me.

When the others returned to the room, he asked me what was wrong (as if he didn’t know) and I explained that I had a stage four bladder cancer that was highly active along with carcinoma in situ and some dysplasia and atypia cells. He was impressed with my understanding, and proceeded to write out my diagnosis and treatment alternatives “Patient Communication Sheet.”

You have: Papillary transitional cell carcinoma, Grade IV/IV T2 (T3a), N0, M0


  1. Radical Cystectomy – standard therapy
  2. Neoadjuvant therapy – Bladder sparing

Chemotherapy – MCV x 2 cycles followed by radiation: 4000 rads with cisplatin (2 cycles). Then re-evaluate with cystoscopy and biopsy. If (-) – radiation – close follow-up. If (+) – surgery.

While this was slightly different than the Shipley protocol as I understood it, I could see that he had done his homework after speaking with Dr. Rossman.

We continued to ask questions (see Appendix 2, available on request), and left with the feeling that radical cystectomy was the way to go. We discussed both options with J. and L. over lunch. During that time, I decided to go to their house with them in order to use their Jacuzzi bathtub. As we passed the tennis courts, I was filled with grief, as I surely would rather be playing tennis. That night I was starting to come down with a cold, which my wife treated homeopathically.

This is a good day to take just a minute and go see the amazing trailer to The Truth About Cancer – A Global Quest… it will blow your mind: